Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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