I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
