I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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