Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
