Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
