hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I'm always down for nudity.
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