I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Randomize
