Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
