I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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