There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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