The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
