somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
