i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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