She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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