the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
she looked like the before picture.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
