Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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