a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize