Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
