I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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