I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
