I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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