Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Randomize
