One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
40s are totally the cure
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
