Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
