i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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