If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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