Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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