Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
