I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
