Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
