I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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