I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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