she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
