Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
