I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
3pm strippers are depressing
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
