enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
