Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
