So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
