just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
