I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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