dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
