The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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