my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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