i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
