Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
