My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
