the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
