physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
