i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
as a side note pls kill me
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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