another moral hangover. fuck.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
