I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
