Need sex. Gaining weight.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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