Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
