I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
