No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
