i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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