I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
