dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
