wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
