Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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