RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
