Christians are straight up FREAKS
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
