i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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