Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
