There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
