Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
