omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
