Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I just sharted jello shots
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
