your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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