it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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