So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
