So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
