there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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