Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
My ass is underappreciated
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
